she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
