She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
