When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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