i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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