these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
