And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
