WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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