I'm jealous of your bromance
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
