i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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