i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
