She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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