went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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