Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
