He is an equal opportunity slut.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
