Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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