Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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