I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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