Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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