I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
