by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
