I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
