some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize