I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
