My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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