My room smells like vodka and shame
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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