dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
