@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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