The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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