you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
