I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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