I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
3 2 1 whiskey
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
