I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
