i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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