She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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