fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
