At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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