Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
