But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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