In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
