I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
