at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
