she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
