it was like his penis was on wheels.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
