i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
