isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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