Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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