Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
