I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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