On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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