My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
