come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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