I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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