we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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