Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
