"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
