so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
