Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
